I’m back. And more unhappy than before. I don’t understand how I eat so little but keep gaining. I know that a lot of the weight is water weight, but it still hurts to see it on the scale. I did a detox for three days and went down to 112 but had to stop because I got blood taken and became very sick from not eating and loss of blood. Starting Tuesday, I will do the detox again until at least Friday. I didn’t find it diffiuclt not to eat, the lemonade was quite filling. After the detox, I will do a different “detox” that my friend showed me that involves a strict meal plan. After that is finished, I will not consume any processed food (I already don’t) or meat. I signed up for twenty kickboxing classes, so I plan on going twice a week, as well as going to Pilates once a week, and either running or doing a workout circuit everyday. I’m excited for this. I need this. I will do this. It doesn’t matter that I have a thigh gap, or that people comment on how “skinny” I am. I need to have my ideal body. I need at least that to keep me happy in my mess of a life. I want to look perfect this summer.

I’ve been MIA, but eating well. I’ve lost a pound. It’s just one of those days…where you realize how much you live your life covering up the fact that it’s in shambles.